Forget About Us
by HM Writer
Summary: An HM story. Please review.
1. Default Chapter

When had life become so lonely? He thought he wanted peacefulness and privacy; to be alone without worries. He didn't have to deal with what others wanted. No worrying about stepping on someone's toes, or making them angry. Now it was starting to get old. After close to a year of being alone he was longing for someone's toes to step on. For someone to yell at him for being late, for not dressing correctly; for anything really. Time and time again he found himself alone.

He had left his father's house after the ground thawed that winter looking for peace and time to himself. At first it was nice, but after a few weeks of traveling alone and no one to talk to except the occasional kind stranger he come across in his travels, he knew what he was looking for. What he was missing. There had to be that one perfect person for him out there. That one person that took away the loneliness. He really hated being alone. It wasn't at all what he thought it would be. In fact it was everything he despised. However, that didn't prevent him from keeping to himself and staying that way.

He had met the love of his life once. It seemed so long ago now. Another world even. The only way he was going to find her was if he went to her. So far, he hadn't worked up the courage to do so. He knew where she was and what she was doing, but he didn't have the nerve to go to her or even to call her.

He was closer than he was two months ago. At the moment he was lying on a Carolina beach looking up at the night sky and listening to the waves crash against the shore line. Maybe in a week or so he would make the one hundred mile trip south to Charleston, South Carolina and try to find her. For now he was actually trying to convince himself to go or let go. He was in a sleepy little vacation town with nothing to do but think.

The beach was a deserted place after dark when families and couples went to dinner. He didn't expect to see anyone there. That was part of the appeal. Being alone was a like a double edged sword. It hurt to be alone in the world, but it also felt good not to have to deal with things in front of others, or to even have to deal with others. Even strangers had taken to asking him if he was okay. Apparently it was clear to everyone that he wasn't exactly happy with his life. Some commented on how he looked like he had just lost his best friend in the world. What they didn't know was that they were right. That was one reason he preferred to be alone no matter how much it hurt. At least when it was just him, he didn't have to try to conceal the constant pain.

Looking up at the stars, listening to the waves, he was beginning to dream again of finding love. Maybe there was someone out there for him to love. Maybe it was time to let go of what could have been and move on. Yes, he decided that was exactly whet he was going to do. It was time to move on. Time to leave the past in the past and let go of the pain.

Hawkeye sat up fully expecting to be alone. He sat there on the sand dune looking at the most beautiful sight he had ever seen; it took his breath away. The moonlight was cascading over the water and the shore line. A gorgeous woman stood alone in a bikini top and a sarong wrapped around her waist. She had her back to him and the wind was blowing in a northerly direction causing both her hair and her sarong to blow to her left. She was looking at her bare feet mixed in the sand and the water. He couldn't see her feet or her hands at the moment, but he would bet that they were both freshly manicured and pedicured.

He had decided that it was time to move on, and this looked like the perfect opportunity. He looked around making sure that there wasn't another man somewhere that she belonged to and then he stood to his feet brushing the sand off of him. He was wearing a pair of loose fitting khaki shorts, a whiter under shirt, and a brand new Hawaiian shirt over that, unbuttoned. The wind blew the shirt around as he bravely walked down to the water feeling the sand between his toes.

"Excuse me," he said carefully so as not to scare the woman. She turned and looked at him ready to fight. She wasn't there to be hit on. She was there for privacy; to be alone and he was interrupting that. Hawkeye gasped suddenly when he saw her face. "Margaret!" Her eyes were more stunning then he remembered.

"Hawkeye! Oh my God!" She threw herself into his arms without a second thought. He closed his eyes holding her tight, his hands on her bare back. She felt better than he remembered. Her skin was warm and soft. He felt his heart speed up at her contact; it was really her. Hawkeye breathed in her scent remembering the sweet smell of her shampoo mixed with her perfume.

"Oh God, Margaret," He breathed. "I missed you so much."

She felt his warm breath on her back and a chill went up her spine. "I missed you." She could hear the pain in his voice when he said that, but what she didn't know about that pain was that she made it all disappear.

Hawkeye didn't want to let her go, but he didn't want to scare her away by holding on so long. He pulled back reluctantly, still holding her hands in his. "What are you doing here?" He had been closer to Charleston than this before and had never seen her. He assumed he wouldn't see her this time either.

"What are you doing here?"

He smiled at her. "I asked you first. Why is a beautiful woman like yourself out here after dark all alone?"

She smiled brightly. He had always been one to compliment her. "I'm just here on vacation. I don't really know anyone."

"And you didn't come with anyone?" He had to ask. If he didn't ask he would be kicking himself for the rest of his life.

She shook her head. "Where did you come from? I thought I was alone out here."

He pointed up to one of the sand dunes. "Right there."

"Are you alone? What are you doing here?"

"I'd never seen the Carolina coast before, so I thought I'd see it. What are you doing in Myrtle Beach? I thought you lived in Charleston. That's not very far to travel for a vacation."

She wondered how he knew where she lived. She'd have to be sure to ask him that later. "My parents, well I guess my mother now, owns a beach house here. I needed a little break, so here I am."

It looked like fate had led the two of them together. "I'm glad you're here. You looked better than I've ever seen you."

"Thank you." Had it not been so dark out he would have seen her blush. "You look good. Healthy."

"I've changed some of my old habits."

"Oh?"

Hawkeye just nodded. He looked her up and down, never before had he seen her in a bikini. Her body was all that he thought it would be. Unfortunately he didn't know what to say to her.

"You're so quiet."

He smiled. "I told you. I gave up some of my old habits."

"I highly doubt that you've actually stopped running your mouth."

"Okay, maybe I didn't. It's been almost a year. I'm not sure what to say to you."

She removed her hands from his and placed a hand on her hip. "Well you could ask me what I've been doing."

He already knew the answer to that. "I could."

"Well, aren't you going to?"

"Where's your house?"

"I live in Charleston." Why was he changing the subject? Did he have that little interest in her?

"No. I mean, where's the house that you're staying at here?"

"Oh. It's up there." She pointed. "Where are you staying?"

"Ah… I suppose it's about three miles north of here."

"How did you get down here?"

"I ran."

She smiled. "You ran? As in exercise?"

"That's right."

"I'm impressed." The last she knew he hated any form of exercise. Actually, he hated anything that was healthy for him. She looked him over once again and could tell that through the thin material of his white under shirt he had become toned. She only wished she could see him better. "Would you like to come up to the house with me?"

"I'd love to." He had been hoping for that. It was pretty obvious, but he didn't care.

"I don't have any beer or anything, but I've got some water. That must be better after a run like that."

He picked her hand again and pulled her from the spot she had been standing. She had been there so long that her feet had sunken into the sand. "Water sounds fantastic. I gave up drinking anyway."

She wanted to ask him more about that, but chose to leave it alone for the time being. "It's just as well. No good really comes from it anyway."

"No."

Hawkeye let himself be directed to a beautiful two story beach house. The house was on stilts, as were all along the coast, so they walked up the flight of stairs to the main deck. There was a small spigot coming out of the wall and he watched as she turned it on to wash the sand off her feet. He couldn't help but smiled when he saw the two perfect pedicured feet complete with the most stunning shade of pink he had ever seen. Now that they were standing in the porch light and not just the moonlight he saw her French manicured hands too.

She stepped to the side keeping the water on for him. "You turn."

Hawkeye rinsed off his feet and then turned the water off. Margaret was holding the door open inviting him in. "Ladies first." He took the door and let her go in ahead of him.

That was a change from the Hawkeye Pierce she knew. She couldn't count the number of times he walked through a door before her just to piss her off. But, then there were many more times that he held the door for her. "Thank you," she smiled.

"Nice place." The screen door shut behind him and he closed the other door. "Your parents used to live here?"

"Not exactly. They bought this house when I was a kid. They used to take my sister and I here on vacations. My father spent a lot of time in the south east. This was a close family getaway. We used to come here every chance we got."

"Sounds fun."

"It was. The only time we were really a family."

"Ah."

"Let me get that water for you. Have a seat."

Hawkeye sat down on the couch and looked around the room. It was a very nice place. He stood up when he spotted some pictures on the wall. He had never seen a picture of Margaret as a child and was very interested.

He recognized her immediately. She looked to be about five years old with long wavy hair. He couldn't really tell in a black and white picture, but her hair seemed to be a dirty blonde color. He had always known that she wasn't a natural blonde. Her shade had changed too many times over the course of three years for anyone to believe that. It was those lips and that unmistakable smile that gave her away. In one picture she was in her father's arms and they were both pointing out into the ocean. Neither seemed to realize that they were getting their picture taken. In the frame next to that one they were both smiling at the camera. He imagined her mother was the one who took the pictures.

"Oh no."

Hawkeye turned around when he heard her voice. "What?"

"You found the family photos."

He smiled and sat back down on the couch. "They're cute."

"You're being too kind."

"No. They're fantastic." He accepted the water she handed him and took a sip.

Margaret took a seat next to him leaving just enough space between the two of them to feel comfortable and not awkward. That had always been an issue of theirs. Margaret looked him over for a moment hoping he wouldn't notice. This was the first time she was able to get a good look at him. She could tell that under that thin shirt he had done more than just tone his muscles. She could see that his body had become hard. Even his forearms told her that he had been working out.

"Margaret, you still with me?"

"Yeah," she smiled. Her curiosity had run away. He brought her back to reality. "What have you been doing?"

"I was looking at the pictures."

"No." She looked into his eyes. "Since the war ended. Where have been? I sent you a letter once and it was returned."

"You did?" That was news to him. "When?"

"About a month ago."

"Ah," he nodded. "My father must have sent it back."

"Are you going to tell me what you've been up to?" She sat back and looked at him. Her foot brushed his leg as she curled her legs up underneath her and sat looking at him.

"It's not that interesting."

"Well you don't seem to care what I've been doing, so I want to hear about you."

"I never said that, Margaret. You're putting words into my mouth." He smiled at her. "Besides, I bet I can guess what you've been up to."

"Oh?"

"Yes. You work at an Army hospital Charleston, you live in a small apartment off base…"

"Post," she corrected.

He smiled. "Off post, and you're on the road to getting engaged to a man you've been seeing for months now."

She narrowed her eyes. He thought he was so smart. "Wrong. I just ended a relationship and broke off an engagement with a man that I was seeing for eight months."

That took him a little off guard. He didn't know that she was engaged, but was happy to hear that she broke it off. "I'm sorry," he lied.

She waved her hand. "It's no big deal. It just wasn't meant to be."

"What happened?"

"I don't really want to talk about it." How was she supposed to tell him that she came to the realization that she could never love another like she loved him? That no one ever measured up to him. No one was good enough. She may end up alone in the end, but at least she followed her heart.

"Well if you do, I'm here."

She smiled and nodded. "Thank you. Now, tell me what you've been doing. I spoke to BJ on the phone about a month ago and he said that you had stopped by."

"Yeah."

He wasn't being very informative. "Why aren't you in Maine?"

This was a change. Normally she was the one that was being grilled with questions. "Well," he sighed. "I left in the middle of March. I've been traveling."

"For three months?"

He nodded. "I saw most everyone from the 4077th. It seemed like the thing to do."

"How come you never came to see me?"

He wasn't expecting that from her. "I… I just didn't get there yet."

"Uh huh." She knew he was lying. They always had a love hate relationship. No matter how much she wanted him to visit; she would never expect him to. "You're hiding something from me."

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth. You are not a traveler. I know you and you love your home."

Okay. He could be honest with her. She was the one person that he could talk to. "Home wasn't what I was looking for."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a nice place to be, but I couldn't live there anymore. Something was missing."

"So you just left?"

"Pretty much. I needed to see for myself what was out there. I really never left Maine growing up. Then I was in med school in Boston. I went on a couple of vacations, but that was it."

"Then you were sent half way around the world to Korea."

"Yes. I need to find where I belong."

Her heart reached out to him. Never before had she seen him look so lost. She wanted to tell him that he belonged with her, but she couldn't. She had to be careful. He would just push her away again and she knew she couldn't handle that. "I'm sure you'll find your way. Coming from where we did, it's hard."

"Were you okay?"

"After a while. When I was on R&R it was difficult. Its hard going from the world we lived in and then back here to the US."

"Sometimes I feel guilty about it… we have so much."

"I know. Once I started to get my life back on track it started to get better. Some of it anyway."

"I wish I could do that."

"What are you looking for Hawkeye?"

He smiled. "You're going to laugh at me."

"No I won't."

Why couldn't he tell her? It wouldn't hurt anything. What he said to her always stayed between the two of them. "Love. I'm looking for love."

"You!" She choked.

"Yes, me."

"So you decided to travel the country looking for love?" She grinned. He must have lost his mind.

"I shouldn't have told you. You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you?"

"Benjamin Franklin Pierce. The man who claimed himself a life long bachelor, avoided love at all costs, and pushed it way if it accidentally got too close."

She made him sound like a real jerk. "Yeah, yeah. I was wrong, but don't worry I'm paying for it now. I've never been more alone in my entire life."

"I know what you mean."

"You?" You've never been alone."

"What do you call this? I'm here alone."

"Yes, but Margaret you weren't alone. You were engaged. You had someone."

"Yeah, the wrong person again."

"He treated you badly too? Why are you attracted to those kinds of men? When are you going to learn?" He was getting pretty heated about it. More than he wanted.

"I… I… "

"I'm sorry, Margaret. I know it's not your fault."

"I've met that one right person in my life before."

"What happened to him?"

"He was one of the few men that didn't want me. At all."

He smiled. "It was his loss. You're better off without him if that's the case."

"I don't know about that." She looked at his empty glass. "Let me get you some more." Before Hawkeye could answer she was to her feet with his glass in her hand. The conversation had become a little too intense for her liking and she needed room to breathe.

Hawkeye stood up and followed her into the kitchen after a moment. He saw her standing over the kitchen sink looking out the window at the ocean. Bravely he walked over and placed a hand on her chin turning her face to look at his. "Margaret, do I know that man you're talking about?"

She wanted to say no and lie to him, but the look in his eyes held on hers made that impossible. "Yes. You've seen him."

It had to be in Korea. There wasn't another place that they had been together. Now all he had to do was figure out whom it was. "Scully?"

"No!"

He didn't know who it could be. "It can't be Donald."

"NO!"

"I don't know who it was."

She moved away from him so he was no longer touching her. Sometimes he got too close for comfort. There was a dangerous line between the two of them that they never wanted to cross. If they crossed the long they had the chance of finding true love or gigantic heartbreak. "Why does it matter? What interest do you have my love life?"

"I care about you."

She smiled at him. "Well, all that's in the past now. I don't want to think about it anymore. I'll have to settle for second best."

"Its not really fair, is it?"

"No, but I don't see how I have much of a choice." She looked away from him again. It was hard to keep things from him. She always told him more than she wanted. "I have some lemonade. Would you like that instead of water?"

"That would be great."

"I'll meet you on the back deck. There are some chairs out there." It was a beautiful night and being outside made her feel like she had more room to breathe. Margaret poured two glasses of lemonade and took her time getting to the deck. She had come so close to telling him that she loved him and she was scared he would eventually get it out of her. "Here you go." She handed him and drink and took a seat on the patio couch next to him.

"Thank you." It had been a long time since either one of them had been together without other people around. It was more intense than they were comfortable with. There wasn't another person to turn the conversation on to. "It looks like its going to rain."

Margaret looked up at the sky and could see the dark clouds moving in quickly. "Seems like it rains here every night in the summer."

Hawkeye nodded. "This house is beautiful."

"It's rarely used anymore. Since my parents split up no one has been here. Now for one week it's just me in this house."

"Better than a hotel. You have a lot of property here."

"Yeah. My parents bought a big chunk of land. This is like the south's little secret."

"I won't tell anyone."

She smiled. "Maybe you should stay here."

"Is that the invite I've always been wanting?"

"No. I don't want you out her running in a storm."

"It's fine. I've done it before."

"Not tonight. I'd kill you if something happened to you."

He laughed. "I'll stay with you in your room."

"You wish. There's another bedroom here."

"You know something?"

"What?"

"I feel better here with you than I have in years."

"I do too." Except for that awkward feeling that lingered between the two of them she was serious. It was better than being alone. "You think that means something?"

"Probably."

He sat there looking at her. The storm was picking up speed and blowing her hair around wildly. It was a darker blonde than she had it last time he saw her. It was perfect. The lightening was starting to flash in the sky now illuminating her face. He wanted to kiss her, to feel her in his arms. It would take away all the pain even if it was just for a moment.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Hawkeye spent the night in one of the spare bedrooms. There was never a kiss between them. Just that awkward feeling that was there. Each held a secret that they would be better off telling, but it was fear of the unknown that held them back. What if they lost each other forever? What If they were together forever? Neither knew what would happen and would never know if they didn't have the courage to be honest.

Margaret didn't sleep too well that night. Between the rumbling of thunder outside and knowing that the man she loved was on the other side of the wall, her mind was racing with fear. It could have been the noise that prevented her from falling asleep, but it was Hawkeye that kept her awake even after the storm passed. There were so many unsaid things between the two of them. Things he didn't know how to say.

When the sun rose she got out of bed and with a total of three hours of sleep. The kitchen was full of food so she decided to make some breakfast. Bacon and eggs sounded good. Knowing that Hawkeye was there she made enough for the two of them.

Hawkeye woke up to the smell of bacon. Unlike Margaret he slept very well. Just knowing that she was in the next room and wasn't going anywhere was enough to allow him to rest. Without any thought he rolled out of bed and stumbled his way to the bathroom. The sun shone so brightly through the windows that he kept his eyes squinted.

Stepping into the kitchen he saw Margaret standing at the stove flipping bacon and eggs. She must have worn shorts to bed because she was wearing a very short robe and he could see her bare legs. Her hair was pinned up very loosely with small pieces falling around her face. She had one hand on her hip as she concentrated at the task at hand. He had never woken up to anything that nice in his entire life.

"Good morning."

Margaret turned around and flashed him with a smile. "Good morning." She noticed he was only in his boxers and she got a good look at his body for the first time. He still had those skinny legs, but it was his upper body that had changed significantly. He was tan and muscular. His frame was skinning, but that was just him. Before she was able to focus on any other part of her body she had to turn back to her bacon before it burned.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Not really," she answered. "You?"

"Like a baby. Storm keep you up?"

"Yeah." Margaret placed some food on two plates. "Would you get the orange juice please?"

"Yep." Hawkeye grabbed the container and took a seat across from Margaret at the small breakfast table. Everything was all set so he poured each of them a glass. "This looks delicious."

"Thank you." Margaret watched his arms as he poured the juice. His arms were a lot more muscular. His chest and stomach looked very hard and she noticed how tan he was. He really had a nice full body tan.

Hawkeye caught her looking at him. He had been alone for so long that he didn't think to put a shirt on. "I'm not offending you, am I?"

"Huh?" She moved her eyes back to his face. "Oh, no. Not at all."

"I've been working on taking better care of myself."

"Yes, I can see." She looked down at her plate and placed a piece of bacon in her mouth.

Hawkeye grinned when he saw her blush, but kept his comments to himself. It was flattering to know that she liked what she saw. "This is very good." It was time to change the subject.

"Thank you. You can make lunch. How does that sound?"

"Very brave of you. I'll see what I can come up with." Maybe this week would turn out to be alright after all. Margaret seemed to want him t here. She hadn't said anything to contrary. Too bad he couldn't just stay there with her. Maybe then he would have the chance to try to get her to fall in love with him.

Throughout the rest of breakfast things were pretty quiet. Hawkeye spoke again once they were both finished. "You look really tired."

"I'm exhausted." Margaret stood and placed her dishes in the sink.

"Why don't you go lay down?"

"No."

He knew it was because he was there and she felt like she had to entertain him. "We could turn the TV on and relax."

"Yeah, I guess so." Her shoulders felt heavy and her eyes felt like someone had thrown sand in there. Sitting on the couch sounded nice. "The breakfast dishes can wait. I'm on vacation."

Hawkeye smiled at her and then stood up. He had always known Margaret would be one of those women that couldn't stand a sink full of dishes. Hawkeye cleared the table and then they went into the living room. "You find something. I'll be right back."

Hawkeye went and put his shorts back on. When he came back she was lying on the couch staring at the TV. He sat down with her and they started watched a movie. She fell asleep within minutes so he covered her up and shut the TV off. He wanted to change his clothes and he needed to go for his morning run anyway. After he found a pad of paper and a pen he left her a note telling her he would be back to make lunch.

He came back that afternoon like has said he would. There was no way he was going to pass up an opportunity to spend time with the woman he loved. Margaret had just woken up when he came back. He told her to jump in the shower while he fixed them some lunch. After all that time and all their differences he still did what he could to take care of her.

Their lunch proved to be better than breakfast was. Margaret was feeling refreshed and she felt a lot more comfortable around him now that he was wearing clothes. They talked and laughed about old times, but there only so much they could say and still hold back what they were feeling. It was weird situation. They didn't want to be apart, but at the same time they didn't know how to be together.

It was getting late in the afternoon and the two of them were sitting out on the deck chatting, but the conversation was getting low. Hawkeye didn't want her to get sick of him hanging around, she he took the silence and lull in the conversation as hint to get out of there. He wanted to be welcomed back the next day.

"I should be going."

Margaret knew he was going to say that. She did everything she could to try to get him to say except ask him. "Oh, okay."

"I don't want to ruin your vacation."

"You're not." She said quickly. In fact he was making it better than she thought it would have been.

He smiled thinking that she was just being polite. "I really should head back before it starts to rain again. You don't want a houseguest."

She couldn't beg him to stay telling him how lonely she was and how much she loved him. "Okay." There was no way to stop him.

He stood up and picked up their glasses to bring them inside. Margaret followed him in to the kitchen. After placing them in the sink he turned and looked at her. "Thank you for everything," he smiled.

Why did he have to smile like that? He made her weak in the knees. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"If you want to. I don't have any plans."

"I would like to."

"I would like to have you back."

"I'll stop by then." Hawkeye placed his hands on her arms and kissed her forehead resisting the temptation to kiss her lips. "Bye Margaret."

She closed her eyes when he kissed her hoping that he would really kiss her like he did so many times before. "I'll walk you to the door." She didn't want him to leave and she would stay next to him as long as she could even if it was just for another thirty seconds to walk him to the door.

Hawkeye stepped into the deck and looked back and waved catching one more glimpse of her in those white shorts and that yellow shirt she was wearing.

Margaret watched him walk away from her and she couldn't take it. She looked down at her hands and for the first time in her relationship with him she was going to listen to her heart. "Hawkeye," she called.

He was halfway down the stairs when she called his name. She didn't say anything when he looked back, but she looked scared. "Yeah?"

Out of the corner of her eye she saw his shirt draped over the back of a chair so she snatched it up quickly. "Your shirt."

He breathed deeply and trudged back up the steps. He left it there so he had an excuse to come back. "Thanks." He took it and headed back.

"Wait!" She couldn't stand to see him walk away from her. He looked back at her, but again he was silent. Maybe something was wrong. He walked back over to her and was taken by surprise when she threw her arms around his neck and started to kiss him. He dropped the shirt he had in his hand and pressed her body against his, kissing her back immediately. They were desperate and needy; desperate for love and needing each other. Margaret pulled him back for a moment just long enough to whisper "Don't go."

Wild horses couldn't drag him away now. "I won't." She wanted him. Someone wanted him and it was the person he had always hoped wanted him. His hands moved to the side of her face and he stared at her trying to memorize what she looked like at that moment in time.

Margaret allowed him to do so, but only for a moment. His hand on her face was not enough for her. She had to feel him and be pressed against him. His hand fell away when she moved her body toward him and went to kiss him again. She had always waited for him to make the first move, but today it was different. Even if it was just for one night, she needed him. The person she loved.

She had never really made love before because all other men were either using her or she was using them. Hawkeye was different. He embodied all that she had ever dreamed of. He could be powerful and would take over, but he was also gentle and caring. If their relationship was any indication as to what it would be like to be with him then she was ready and more than willing to try. To be lovers, even if it was just for one night, would be worth all of the pain it could cause later on.

Hawkeye started to gain some control of himself and grasp what was happening to them. If he did this he would be taking the chance of losing her, but he would also be taking the chance of finding true love. He decided to take the chance and when he did his hands moved to her hips, up her sides, and around her back and head, and down her backside feeling her body; the body that belonged to the one person on earth that he could ever love and who made him more confident to be himself. He started to push her back to the door so they could get inside. He wanted to do this right. Not knowing if it was his only chance he had to make it memorable. When they door opened he walked the two of them into the house kicking his sandals off at the door.

His hands were demanding and caring all at once as they moved over her body. Each place that he touched left her tingling. He held her so close to him that she could practically feel his blood pulsing through his veins. She desperately needed him, needed to feel all of him. His mouth moved from hers down her jaw and for her neck. That was one of the most sensitive parts on her body. A deep throated moan came from her and he looked into her eyes.

Without saying a word he scooped her up and carried her off to her bedroom. He had never seen it before and was pleased when he saw what it looked like. White satin sheets were on the bed topped with a down comforter to match. He gently laid her on the bed as if she was a baby, making sure her head didn't fall or hit the bed with any amount of force. He climbed over her looking down into her eyes as his bangs fell forward hanging down.

Hawkeye didn't know it, but at that moment he couldn't have done anything wrong. He was perfect, just what she thought he was. His fingers were threaded through her hair as he bent down to kiss her. He moved away, but was still close enough where she felt his breath on her lips. Their eyes locked and Hawkeye's hands gently and slowly slid down the contours of her body. To Margaret it felt like his finger tips left scorch marks on her body. She was on fire. She swallowed hard when his hands started to unbutton her shorts; he did it with such ease. He pulled them off of her leaving her in a pair of white lace panties and then traced his way up her body from her ankles up to her waist. She thought he was going to take her panties off, but he didn't. His eyes locked with hers again and he moved in to kiss her mouth.

Everything seemed to be in slow motion for the two of them. The way he took off her shorts seemed to take five minutes which was nothing compared to the time it too her to get his shorts and boxers off of him. She took a good look at him and then climbed on top of him. She was still in her panties and her shirt, but he was completely naked. His hands were on her hips resting there. She leaned down letting her hands feel his stomach and chest. His muscle rippled in his stomach. He was hard and smooth, not a hair on his chest. When she leaned down to kiss his mouth his hands wasted no time in moving to the hem of her shirt and pulling it off of her. He hadn't had the pleasure of seeing her body yet.

His hands followed the curves of her body once again. Her shoulders were soft and warm. He was guessing flushed from the excitement. Her skin was softer then he ever imagined it being. With expert and practiced hands he unhooked her bra and let it fall, freeing her rounded breasts. She sat there a little nervous as he looked over her body. Hawkeye could sense what she was feeling and as his hands moved from her back to her breasts he whispered to her telling her how beautiful and perfect she was. It gave her the encouragement she needed to feel as free as she would have been had they been married for years.

Very few words were said between them. Leaving a lot of things unsaid, but they both knew where the other stood. It wasn't a summer romance like a person has when they're a kid on vacation. This was real love and although neither said it they both knew how the other felt. His thumbs grazed over her nipples and she threw her head back. He could do anything he wanted to her and it would be the perfect thing.

Hawkeye's hands moved to her hips again and he flipped the two of them over. His body covered hers completely and his lips sought out hers. Margaret's hand pressed into his back holding him as close to her body as she could. She couldn't get enough of him and she was hoping that the wet spot on her panties would tell him that. The only problem was he was staying away from that spot. His hands roamed all over her body except where she wanted them the most.

"Hawkeye," she breathed.

"Hmm?" His mouth was on her neck and working its way down. He licked a path from her neck to center of her breasts. She never said anything else, so he continued. He took her right nipple in his mouth and started to suck on it before he nibbled arousing loud moans from her. Her back arched off the bed offering him anything he wanted. He seemed to know just what to do to her. Her body was hot and getting hotter by the second. Her insides felt like there was a cluster of butterflies moving about it.

Hawkeye gave both breasts equal attention and then moved down her body. His hands rolled down her panties as he kissed and licked his way down her stomach. He could smell her arousal now and felt the wet spot on the crotch of her panties as he pulled them off. He threw them off of the bed somewhere and then looked at her body. She was perfect from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. When he looked into her eyes she looked nervous and he couldn't figure out why.

Margaret felt his gaze on her body and felt very insecure. No one had ever taken that much time with her and they hadn't even done anything yet. Maybe there was something wrong with her, but his hard penis said otherwise. Regardless, she still felt insecure. His hands were on her thighs and he was just staring. "Hawkeye," she whispered, her voice shaking.

"What's the matter?"

"I…I…" She couldn't say it. "Kiss me."

Hawkeye lay down on top of her and pressed his body against hers. Her hands were in his hair and he could feel the need emanating from her. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but he couldn't do it. He didn't know how long this would last and if it was all just a memory tomorrow he would have to live with that.

His penis was harder then it had ever been before and was stabbing into her thigh. He started to rub up against her slowly for some sort of relief, but it wasn't enough. He needed to get inside her and be one with her. He didn't seem to have to do anything because her hand had reached down and wrapped around his penis leading it to her opening. He opened her legs wider and pressed inside of her. Hawkeye made her move her hand and he held it above her head as he pushed inside of her. His eyes never lost contact with hers.

When he was inside of her he felt her walls squeezing him, almost trying to push him back out. He pumped into her four times before he was all the way in. It was then that he held himself inside of her and leaned down to kiss her. She needed some time to get used to the feel of him inside before they went any further.

Unlike some men he didn't feel like an invasion. He felt like he belonged there. She signaled him to get moving by lifting her hips. That was all he needed and he started to move in and out of her slowly with deliberate stokes hitting just the right spot every time. She was moaning and groaning right along with him. Their bodies were on fire for each other.

He hadn't been sure he was going to be able to satisfy her when they started, but in the end he knew he did. He looked down at her and kissed her, their tongues mingling. He rolled off of her and laid down on his back relaxing for the first time in…well to him it felt like forever. Margaret didn't like the loss of contact and rolled onto her side looking at him. Her hand ran across his chest and stomach feeling the rippled muscles and smooth skin. Soon his hand came to rest on hers and hold it there in the middle of his torso. She looked into his eyes to see if something was wrong, but she saw a smile on his face.

"Hi," he whispered.

She moved to lie on top of him and gave him a kiss. "Hi." Her head rested on his chest and she smiled when she felt his hand start to stroke her hair. "No one has done that for a long time."

"Orgasm?"

"No silly. Stroke my hair like that."

"You don't like it?" He didn't want to do anything that she didn't like.

"I love it." She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't be rejected again by him; she wouldn't be able to handle it.

The two of them lay there like that. Hawkeye felt her breathing become heavy and knew she was asleep. He waited a while longer until he knew she was sound asleep and stopped stroking her hair. His hand came to rest on her bare back and he kissed the top of her head sweetly. "I wish you knew how much I love you," he whispered softly, his voice full of emotion.

Hawkeye never dozed off that evening, but he did let Margaret sleep as long as she needed to. To him she looked like an angel and he couldn't have dreamt that it would feel so good to have her in his arms. He never looked at the clock so he wasn't sure how long she had been sleeping. It would be fine by him if they stayed like that forever.

Upon opening her eyes Margaret discovered she was in the same spot she had fallen asleep in. He hadn't pushed her aside or moved a muscle; he actually let her sleep on top of him. She hadn't experienced that with anyone before. When the sun rose or they were finished they always pushed her aside. No one ever held her until her heart was content; not until now anyway.

Hawkeye felt her start to move slightly and he looked down on his chest. She turned her face and looked at him. She had a smile on her lips. "You're awake."

"I didn't go to sleep."

She smiled brighter. "Not at all?" He shook his head. "Are you sure?"

He chuckled. "I'm pretty sure." He leaned down and gave her a kiss. When he did that she slithered up his body so they were face to face. "Are you hungry?"

"We didn't eat dinner, did we?"

"No. Let me take you to dinner."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

"Well in that case…" How could she say no? "Wait. Do I have to run there?"

Hawkeye let out a hearty laugh. "My car is back at my hotel. If you would like I'll run up there and shower and then drive back to get you."

She shrugged. She really didn't want to leave his side. "There's something I want to ask you."

"What is it?"

"You're not going to let me spend the rest of the week alone, are you?"

Was she saying what he thought she was saying? "I need more then just that."

"You want an invitation?" He nodded. "Benjamin Pierce, would you please stay with me for the rest of the week?"

"I'll be here with bells on."

Margaret gave him another kiss. "Maybe you shouldn't go for that run. You should save your energy." Her hands were in her hair combing it back with her fingers. "Your hair is very soft. Baby soft."

"I know."

"I like it." She looked into his eyes. "I don't want you to go without me."

"Do you want to drive me to go get it?"

She shook her head. "We can take a cab." She didn't want to be without him for a single moment. "Is that okay?"

He nodded. He was a little short on cash at the moment, but he didn't want to say that to her. He'd just call his father when he got to the hotel and have him wire him some. He hadn't worked at all and most of his savings was gone already. "I'll shower here then."

"Yeah." Margaret sat up and moved off of him. She noticed how he stared at her body and avoided her face. It made her feel very awkward. "Hawkeye," she said shakily.

"Hmmm?"

"Is something wrong with the way I look?" She reached for her robe, but he jumped to his feet and took it from her.

"Don't say that. You're perfect." He looked into her eyes almost scaring her with the intensity. He tossed the robe on the bed and took her into his arms. "You're beautiful, Margaret."

She smiled. "Why do you keep dong that me? It makes me feel…"

"You're perfect and everything I ever dreamed you would be. I won't look at you like that if it makes you feel uncomfortable."

"Now that I know your reason I think I should be okay with it. Would you like to shower with me? I'll try not to hog the water."

Hawkeye's face lit up and he suddenly scooped her into his arms. "There isn't anything more I'd rather do."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

"Why won't you tell me?"

"Why does it matter?"

"It just does."

Hawkeye was lying in the hammock, one arm under his head and the other holding the blonde that was next to him. They had just gotten back from the beach and were lounging around outside. Her head lay on his shoulder and she had one bare leg draped over him as if she were trying to keep him from moving. He didn't seem like he wanted to, not with the smile he had on his face.

"Please, Hawkeye, why won't you tell me?" She was running her fingernails up and down his chest trying to coax him into telling her.

"You don't need to know. It's silly." He was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Well tell me something else then."

"Okay. What do you want to know?" He smiled looking up at the blue sky. He felt very contented lying there with her like that. Everything that mattered was lying right next to him.

"Well," she began, her hand rubbing his chest nonchalantly. "How often do you have to shave your chest? I remember you had a little hair here." She made a point to rub his chest at the top.

He chuckled to himself. "I wax it, and not very often."

"Oh. Does it hurt?"

"No."

"I would think it would."

"Well it doesn't. Now let me ask you something."

"Okay." She turned her head so that she was looking up at him and resting the back of her head on his bicep. "What do you want to know?"

He thought about that for a moment. "How often do you have to color your hair?"

She grinned. "It's natural."

He rolled his eyes. "I know its not."

"My turn. Why won't you answer my other question?"

"It's useless."

"And knowing how often I color my hair isn't?"

She had him there. "It's just a silly question." She had come up with it out of the middle of nowhere and it was getting to her that he wouldn't answer it. He could see that he drove her crazy enough and it was almost time to give in. "I don't even know why you want to know. Are you planning on buying me a pair of shoes?"

"Maybe. How tall are you?" She would try to get him to tell her in a round about way.

"Six two."

"Are your feet as big as BJ's?"

"No way!"

"And they're bigger then mine."

"Not by much." He grinned.

Margaret moved her leg off of him and looked down at their feet intertwined at the end of the hammock. "They are so!"

"Look." He wigged his toes. "Mine aren't too much bigger."

"They're a lot bigger than mine are. I do not have big feet!" She rested her head back against him. "What size?"

"Eleven and a half. Are you satisfied?"

"Wow. You do have small feet for a man you're size. I should have known. You know what they say. You can tell how well a man is endowed by the size of his feet."

"What! I didn't hear any complaints from you earlier."

"I'm not one to complain." She loved getting a rise out of him.

"The hell you aren't." He picked his head up and looked at her face. She was grinning ear to ear with her eyes dancing. "Why you..." He skillfully moved so that she was now on the bottom and he was over top of her straddling her, all without tipping the hammock over. Hawkeye held her hands above her head. "You better take that back."

"Nope." She shook her head. What could he do to her? Kiss her.

"You'll regret it if you don't."

"Nope."

"I'll give you one last chance," he warned. She continued to shake her head no. He didn't say anything else, but his hands went strait to her ribs and he started to tickle her like a wild man. "I told you." Margaret started to laugh hysterically and thrash around underneath him. She couldn't catch her breath she was laughing so hard. "I warned you," he grinned. "You didn't want to listen to me."

"Ahh." She screamed. "Hawk….oh…ah….ha. Please." She got finally got out.

He stopped for a moment and held her hands above her head once again. "Say it."

"No." Hawkeye started to tickle her immediately. She started to laugh which only suited to egg him on some more. The sound of her laughter was intoxicating to him. "Ha…"

"Say it."

"I….have to…pee."

"That's not what I wanted to hear." He stopped and held her there so she couldn't get away. "Say it."

"Please," she smiled lovingly up at him. "I don't want to pee my pants."

"You're not wearing pants."

She gave him a look. "I have to go _bad_. If you don't let me go…"

"Okay, okay." He leaned down and gently gave her a kiss. His eyes held hers for a moment and he saw something he didn't expect to see. It wasn't something that he could explain, but for the first time it looked like she had just let go. Something changed in her at that moment. Her eyes went soft and her face became flushed.

Margaret felt something inside her crash at that moment. Looking into those eyes so full of emotion was very powerful. They had been together for two days and they were two of the happiest days of her life. She felt she could trust this man with her heart. "I love you," she breathed softly.

Did she just say what he thought she said? Those words couldn't possibly have come out of her mouth. It was so soft that he could have been hearing things. Hawkeye just stared down at her without saying a word.

Why wasn't he saying anything? She had been so sure that he felt the same way about her, but now she knew he didn't. Now she was stuck there pinned underneath him. She was regretting ever saying it. "Excuse me." She removed her arms from his grasp and maneuvered herself to get up. She started to run for the stairs to get up to the house.

Hawkeye stood to his feet and sprinted after her when he realized what had happened. "Wait." She was on the second stair when he placed his hand over her right hand as she was walking up holding the railing. She turned and looked at him making sure to remove her hand forcefully from his touch. "I love you Margaret."

Now she didn't know if she could believe him. She knew that he wouldn't want to hurt her whether he loved her or not. He was just that way. "You don't have to say that." She turned and walked away.

Hawkeye did not want to see her walk away and most of all he didn't want to see her hurt. He loved that woman with all his heart. His hands reached out and grabbed her by the hips preventing her from getting any further then the fourth step. "I love you. I mean that with all my heart."

Margaret turned around and looked at him. For the first time she was looking only at his face and not his body. She knew when he was lying and he wasn't. "You do?"

He nodded and walked up the steps closing the gap between them. "Very much." His arms went around her and they kissed, losing themselves in each other. He pressed her warm body against his and didn't pull away until he felt her lips move into a smile against his own. "What?"

She smiled brightly. "For a moment there I wasn't sure about that."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, well…" He walked backwards off the steps and pulled her along. He didn't know how to explain it to her. Time had stopped for him when he said that and it continued to go on for her.

"Will you say it to me again?"

Hawkeye smiled brightly and picked her up off of the steps forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist. "I love you. I love you more then anything in this world. More then the lungs that let me breath."

"I love you too." She whispered against his lips before kissing him. Hawkeye wanted to bring her back to the hammock where they could lay down and cuddle and just be together. But when he did that she stopped him. "Wait."

"Something wrong?"

She was almost embarrassed to say it. She knew she wouldn't be able to hold it in if she was laying on the hammock pressed to him. That would have been too much pressure on her bladder and she didn't think that it would be very romantic if she peed all over the two of them. "I have to go to the bathroom."

A large smile spread across his face and he placed her back on her feet. "I forgot." He started to laugh.

"It's not funny." She took off running for the house. In the background he was still laughing. Seeing her run up the stairs was too much for him. He needed to sit back down and chose the hammock since it was the only place other then the grass. It was too nice of a day to go in the house.

Hawkeye relaxed on the hammock and looked up at the clear blue sky. His mood matched the nice day perfectly. She had told him that she loved him. His hands were behind his head and his eyes were closed. He hadn't heard he come back down the stairs, but rather smelt her perfume when the wind blew. He turned and opened his eyes smiling at her. "You feel better?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes." He looked so good there like that. His shirt was off and his body was glistening in the sun. "Mind if I join you?"

"I'd be upset if you didn't." His hands grabbed her hips and he helped her get on the hammock without tipping it over. He liked where she decided to get comfortable; on top of him. "This is cozy." He looked into her eyes.

"Mmm," she mumbled as her lips closed in on his. She felt his hands run up her back and his fingers thread through her hair as they kissed. He was so good at everything. Just being with him made her feel like she was walking on a cloud.

Hawkeye pulled her head back slightly and looked at her. He didn't say anything though and went back to kissing her. He could stay like that forever, although at the moment he was hoping things would go a little further. With Margaret he never had any doubt. In the two days they had been together as a couple she had never once refused him and had even initiated sex with him.

Sleeping had always been one of his favorite things to do. It passed the time and hopefully blacked out the bad thoughts and let the peace flow through him. When he was alone that sleep was interrupted with thoughts of her and dreams of her. Now that she was right there with him and he was living his dream, he still couldn't sleep. The thought of waking up and finding her gone was absolutely dreadful. When they did go to sleep at night he made sure that she was in his arms holding on tight to her. Napping was completely out of the question for him unless he could get her to do it with him, but she slept so well at night that she couldn't fall asleep during the day.

So, here he was again running on four to five hours of sleep a night. After two good nights of sleep he was back to being restless again. Margaret had eliminated the tossing and turning by being there to hold, but she hadn't stopped his thoughts from taking control when he wanted to be resting.

Hawkeye's thoughts were interrupted by her calling his name. When he broke out of them he looked at her questioningly. "Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He jumped down from the kitchen counter and took the laundry basket from her. "Where am I going with this?"

"Outside. Once I hang these I was thinking we could go out to lunch. My treat this time."

He smiled. "I don't think a woman has ever bought me lunch before."

"First time for everything." She opened the backdoor for him.

"Yep. Where are you taking me for lunch?"

"Wherever you want to go is fine by me." Margaret followed him down the stairs and led him over to where the clothes line was. "You can put that down right here. Thank you."

Hawkeye started to pull out the clean laundry and helped her hang it up. She stood back for a moment watching him. Unless they left the house he always kept his shirt off. It was hard to keep her hands off of him and sometimes she couldn't do it. Earlier that morning she had woken up to the sounds of the water beating down. She couldn't help it and jumped out of bed and snuck into the shower with him. Needless to say they ran out of hot water before they were finished _showering_. Her back was a little sore from being pounded against the shower wall, but it was worth it. He tried to be gentle, but she had told him not to and he listened well.

"You gonna help me, or what?"

She smiled slightly and folded her arms across her chest. "You seem to be doing fine." He had most of the linens on the line already.

He tossed a damp towel to her. "Make yourself useful."

She quickly grabbed the towel before it fell to the ground. "Are you saying you have no use for me?"

"Not at all. You'll come in very handy when these sheets dry. I've never figured out how to fold them alone."

"I'd hate to see your linen closet."

"Remember the Swamp?"

"I try not to."

"Well aren't you the funny one today?" He draped the last sheet over the line. "You better be careful insulting me."

"Why? What can you do to me?" She challenged him.

"For starters I can lock the bathroom door when I shower."

"Fine." She didn't miss a beat. "I'll just attack you when you get out. Besides, you didn't seem to mind when I snuck in this morning. You were quite happy to see me from what I recall." She hung the last towel and moved so he couldn't reach her. "Well… a _little_ happy."

Hawkeye's jaw dropped for a moment and then he started to move through the sheets to find her. "I can't believe you just said that."

"What?"

He heard her voice and it was farther away from him than he expected. She was slowly making her way to the stairs. "You know what."

"I do not."

Hawkeye saw her legs and knew exactly where she was. He stepped out into plain view and looked challengingly at her. "You're in trouble now."

Her eyes widened when he broke into a dead run. "Hawkeye, no!" She yelled. He was getting closer and he was bending down slightly looking like he was going to tackle her to the ground as though she were a football player. "PIERCE!"

Hawkeye grabbed her and put her on his shoulder. "Did I scare you?"

"Yes!" She hit his back. "Put me down."

"No." He slapped her behind playfully and carried her up the stairs.

"You're all sweaty. You're getting my shirt covered in your sweat."

"So you'll just have to change. You can wear something nicer."

"You have a problem with what I'm wearing?"

"Nope." He placed her down on the deck when he got up there. "You look good in anything and nothing." He wiggled his eyebrows.

She fixed her shirt as she walked into the house. "You need to change."

He smiled. She was telling him what to wear already. He wouldn't like her nagging about it, but he loved that she cared enough to tell him. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know. You must have a nice collared polo shirt. Something you would golf in. I see that you brought your clubs with you on your travels."

"I needed something to do. I've been alone for months, it was my only companion."

"Would you like to be alone with them?"

"Ha, ha." He rolled his eyes. "You're really a pain in my ass today." Hawkeye walked over to the dresser where Margaret had placed his clothes. "Which drawer?"

"Closet." She took her shirt off and then her shorts. She had to get into the closet to find something to wear so she grabbed a shirt for him. "Wear this." She tossed him a nice red shirt. "You look good in color."

"So you don't like seeing me without a shirt?"

"I didn't say that. I think you look a lot better without a shirt."

Hawkeye put the shirt on and looked in the mirror to fix the collar. "I'm ready." He turned and looked at her standing there in her panties and bra.

She looked back at him. "Your hair."

He ran a hand through it. "Done. You need help?"

"I just don't know what to wear." Hawkeye walked over to her and looked in her closet. So far everything he had seen her in looked wonderful. "Should I wear a dress?"

Hawkeye pulled out a white summer dress. "What about this?" It looked good to him. The skirt looked to fall right below the knee and the top of the dress was strapless. Perfect for a nice summer day.

"Yeah, I guess. I haven't had a chance to wear it yet. I can't wear this bra with it though. I think it has a built in one anyway." She looked at the dress. "Yeah, this will work."

"Good." Hawkeye laid it across the bed and then went to the bathroom to freshen up. He was starving and couldn't wait to go eat. It didn't even matter to him where they went or what they did as long as they were together and there was food around.

The two of them had their fill of food and then walked around a little looking in the shops that were in town. Neither bought anything, they just held hands and laughed together for two hours. It was a perfect afternoon, just as every afternoon together had been so far. When they got back to the house Margaret went back to the laundry despite Hawkeye's encouragement not to.

"I'll carry this down and help you fold the sheets, but you have to hang these." He held up the basket.

"Deal." She gave him a kiss. "Get moving, sexy."

"I feel like a house boy."

Margaret pushed him through the house and out the door. They went back down to the yard and started to fold the sheets and towels. They just talked about silly things and laughed together. "Can you bring these back up to the house?"

"No." He sat them on the hammock and lay on a blanket that he had placed out there earlier that morning. "They can wait."

"Why don't you help me then?"

"I like it better down here." He laid on his back leaning on his elbows and watched her. When she moved in just the right way he could see up her dress. There was no way he was going to move now. Since she had her back to him she didn't know what he was doing so she couldn't yell at him.

"Suit yourself. This could help build muscle in your upper arms and shoulders."

"No thanks, Tom Sawyer."

"I'll have to do it alone then."

"Yep."

Margaret shook her head and then went about hanging the clothes. It had been a long time since she had done a man's laundry and it didn't feel half bad. Her clothes didn't look so lonely out there on the line.

Hawkeye laid there staring at her. His eyes never moved from her for one moment. He had never had such a large grin on his face. Looking up her dress was getting him going fast. She was standing there innocently in her white dress hanging up one of his shirts; she had no clue what he was up to. His eyes were glue to her thighs; he had a pretty good view of them at the moment.

"What should we do tomorrow?" She asked as she pinned up some clothes.

"Nothing." They didn't have many days left together and all he wanted was to be with her and only her.

"Well what can we do then?"

"Just be together." His hands touched her feet when she stepped back a little. She had to stand over him; her feet on either side of his torso. "You have cute feet."

She smiled. "I've never heard that before. Just two days ago you told me they were big."

"I was just picking on you." His hands moved up her feet and to her ankles. "These aren't so bad either."

"My ankles?" She didn't look at him, she kept busy hanging things. "That's a strange thing to say."

"I don't think so." He was on his back holding onto her ankles caressing them with his thumbs as his eyes looked up her dress. She still hadn't looked down at him. "Very soft skin. What do you do?"

"What do you mean?"

He really wasn't paying attention to her ankles as much as he was looking at her inner thighs. "You shave often?"

"My ankles? No."

He almost gave himself away at that moment. "You must us lotion on your skin."

"I take care of it. Why the bizarre questions?"

"I just want to know."

"Yes, I put lotion on my legs every night. Are you satisfied?"

"Not yet," he mumbled. He sighed when she moved away from him and he was forced to let go of her legs. "You almost done?"

"I just got started. I would finish sooner if you would help."

"Point taken." But he still wasn't moving anywhere. "Your feet are pretty cute. You have to admit."

"Do you have a foot fetish you've been hiding?"

"No." He waited for her to step back over him and then ran his hands up and down her calves. "Do you work out normally?"

"I try to take care of myself."

"You have strong legs."

"Yeah." She wasn't paying much attention to him. She was concentrating on the task at hand.

His hands were caressing and moving over the contours of her lower legs, but he was slowly working his way up so she wouldn't notice. He could be very sly when he wanted to be. "What kind of things do you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"To stay fit."

"I like yoga the best."

"It shows." He grinned widely when she stepped back a little. His head was practically between her legs. She had panties on, but he could work with that. He could get them off of her easy enough. She hadn't fought him as of yet and he didn't see that happening any time soon.

"That tickles," she giggled. He was swirling his finger on the back of her knee.

He smiled and did it a little more before moving upward. "I haven't seen you do any exercising since I've been here."

"You've been keeping me busy." She smiled to herself. "We work out enough together."

"Not _too_ much?"

"No."

Hawkeye's hands started to move up her thighs and he started to stroke the soft skin. "We should have gotten some groceries while we were out. We don't have much food left."

"You're right. That gives us something to do tomorrow."

"I hate grocery shopping."

"Then I'll go."

"No, I'll go with you."

"But you just said…."

"I know what I said." His hands reached the line of her panties. "I want to be with you, not alone."

Margaret suddenly realized what he was doing and stepped forward causing his hands to fall. "You're very brave."

He just grinned and grasped her ankles again. "You're really sexy, baby. Looking up that dress…" Just then she stepped back as she hung some more clothing. His hands traveled up her legs and started to tug on her panties.

"Hawkeye, you're…"

"I'm what?" He got them over her hips and started to slide them down.

"You shouldn't do that." She didn't fight him at all and let him do what he wished.

"I should." Soon they were around her ankles and she stepped out of them. "You'll feel better."

She moved away from him again and went to another area to hang the clothes. Now she knew what he had been up to the whole time. He was in the perfect area to look up her dress and now it was her turn to tease him. He could still see up her dress, but now there wasn't anything obstructing his view. She could torture him now.

"What are your plans for the day?"

"Nothing." He mumbled looking up her dress.

"Would you like to pull some weeds?"

"Nope."

"You're not very handy today."

"Yeah." Hawkeye had no idea what she was saying. He was thinking of more important things. Her voice was in the background, but that was it.

"You know what I was thinking we could do? Why don't we go for a nice picnic lunch one day? Although maybe we shouldn't. It is pretty hot out. Then again…" Margaret continued to ramble on knowing what she was doing to him. When she stepped closer to him she widened her stance a little just to torment him more.

"Will you stop talking!" He was getting impatient now.

"Why? You don't like the sound of my voice? You're the one that's…." Her eyes widened and she looked at him when she heard a zipper being lowered. He was grinning evilly at her.

"Got your attention, didn't I?"

"Yes." His hands reached for her legs and he pulled her closer. "What are you doing?"

"What did you think I was doing?" His hands traveled up her soft legs. "You stepped out of your panties pretty easily. You knew what I was up to."

"Out here?" She looked down at him and realized his head was between her legs looking up.

"Yes."

Margaret got down on the blanket with him. "What if someone sees?"

Hawkeye laid her down on the blanket and moved in to kiss her neck as one hand rubbed her thigh, pushing her dress up. "No one is around."

"What if they walk by?"

"They can't see anyway."

"I don't know if we should be doing this out here."

"We should," he mumbled against her lips. She was silenced by him and didn't say another word to the contrary. She was easy to convince; easier then he thought she would be. His hand traveled up her inner thigh and pushed her legs apart so he could settle himself in between them. The last time he had sex outside was in Korea and that wasn't very romantic, that was just sex. With Margaret it wasn't just sex, it was love and passion too.

"Mmm, Hawk…" He was pressed up against her and she was trying to work on getting his shorts and boxers off, but it was difficult to do. He moved off of her a little and she pushed him onto his back.

* * *

The thunder rumbled outside and cracks of lightening could be heard. The noise never bothered Hawkeye; he was awake for other reasons. In fact, he had never fallen asleep that night. Thoughts ran through his head like a stampede of antelope; thoughts of what could be and of what could never be. He was scared of being alone, but he was more afraid of hurting Margaret. He wasn't so sure that she could love him forever even if he did love her forever. The dark and stormy weather was bringing all of these thoughts to the forefront.

Margaret woke up to find herself alone and shaking. These summer storms were torment to her. She would have been better off somewhere farther north, but the army didn't see it that way. She didn't know why Hawkeye wasn't there and she waited a few minutes to see if he would come back but he never did. She got up and pulled on one of his clean t-shirts and went to find him.

"Hey," she said sleepily. "What are you doing?"

Hawkeye turned and looked behind him. "Couldn't sleep."

"Me neither."

"The storm?" She nodded. "Come here." He took her hand and brought her around the couch. "You're shaking."

"I know. Will you come back to bed with me?"

Sometimes being in that bed with her was pure torture. He was just pretending and hurting both of them. But, when she asked him like that he couldn't say no. All she needed was a warm body, any would do, he just happened to be the only person there.

"Yeah." He stood to his feet and held her hand leading her back to bed. "Why are you so scared?"

"I'm always like this."

"That's not good."

"I know." She lay back in bed and waited for him to do the same. "Ahh," she screamed. A loud crack of thunder caused her to cling to him tightly. He was much nicer then a pillow.

Hawkeye lay on his side facing her and held her closely. She was shaking and genuinely scared of the storm outside their window. "Hey honey, there isn't anything to be frightened of."

"I know." At least her brain knew. Her face was buried in his neck and her legs were tangled with his as she tried to get as close to him as possible.

The storm was picking up outside and she was getting worse. She was tense and jumpy like a small child would be. Hawkeye didn't know what to do other then hold her. "I'm here. Don't be scared."

"I can't help it. Please just hold me." She was pleading with him.

"I'm holding you, baby." He rubbed her back soothingly and whispered softly to her. "Just don't think about it. Do you want to play another game of Twenty Questions?"

"No."

"Okay… Well why don't you think of…"

"No." She didn't want to talk.

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Please just hold me." Her voice cracked.

"I am." He kissed her head. "I won't let anything happen to you. You know that. I protected you from shell fire and I'll protect you from storms."

"I love you."

His eyes shut. "I love you." He wished she didn't love him. It would have been a lot easier if she rejected him. All of the feelings that she brought about were almost too much for him to deal with. His heart was breaking. Heaven wasn't nearly as lovely as he thought it was going to be six days ago when the two of them stumbled upon each other.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

&&&&

Hawkeye woke up later the morning to the smell of sausage cooking. He laid in bed for a moment with his eyes closed taking in the scent of what a real homemade breakfast smelt like. Until he looked at the clock he didn't realize how late it was. It was close to eleven o'clock already. For some reason he didn't want to get out of bed and face the day.

After ten minutes he talked himself into getting up. It was more so the smell of the food that made him get up rather then him wanting to. He walked into the kitchen still wiping sleep out of his eyes to find her standing at the stove looking as good as ever. She wasn't dressed in anything fancy, just his blue t-shirt and maybe some panties. He wasn't sure.

"Morning," he said in a deep tired voice.

Margaret turned her head and smiled. "Good morning. I wasn't sure you were going to get up this morning."

"I did." He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Looks good. What can I do?"

"Get yourself a cup of coffee and sit down. I'll handle the rest."

"Sounds like a deal to me."

Margaret served the food while he was preparing his coffee. "You know what tomorrow is?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?"

"I just don't, okay?"

"Okay."

Hawkeye sat down at the table with his coffee. "You seem to be better today."

She smiled. "I am." She walked over to him and stood behind him wrapping her arms around his neck and letting her hands wander over his chest. "You made me feel a lot better. Thank you."

He patted her hand. "Glad to be of service."

"We have to pack today."

"I said I don't want to talk about it." He stated firmly.

"Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"Margaret…"

"I'm sorry." She kissed him on the cheek and moved around to her chair. "Dig in. I hope you're hungry. I made more than enough."

"I see that."

"Well I had to use everything up so we don't end up throwing it away tomorrow." He looked up at her. "Sorry. I won't mention the day after today again."

"Thank you."

"But what are we supposed to do today?"

"Nothing. Its still raining so I say we spend today on the couch together." He didn't see her spending another day with him after this week was up so he decided to take advantage of the time they had left together.

"I like that." She had been getting the feeling that something was bothering him the last couple of days, but he didn't seem to want to talk about it. Sometimes he was very hard to read and he got so upset when she tried to mention it. Maybe if she just spent time with him and didn't think about the future he would be okay. It was the only thing she could try.

Margaret stood in front of her closet trying to figure out what to wear. She had just gotten out of the shower and was debating on getting dressed in real clothes or being comfortable all day. After all, it was a rainy Sunday and they weren't going anywhere. Hawkeye seemed to like clothing that was easy to take off. He had torn the buttons off of a few of her shirts earlier that week, so she would go with something simple. She slipped on a pair of panties and then tried to decide what to wear. Margaret pulled out one of Hawkeye's clean t-shirts and slipped it on.

Hawkeye was in the shower at the moment. She had invited him to shower with her like they had been doing all week, but for some reason he opted not to. She thought that it was very odd of him and that was just one more thing telling her that something was really wrong. She needed to get him to open up to her, but she wasn't sure how to do it.

"Hawk," she yelled. "Hawkeye!"

He thought he heard her call his name so he poked his head outside of the shower. "Huh?"

She opened the door and walked in. "I need my brush."

"Okay." He went back to his shower ignoring the fact that she was in there. Today he wanted to be alone. Being close to her was hard now. He was afraid of their closeness and he was trying to move away from her emotionally.

"I got it." She walked out of the room with her brush. At least he didn't lock the door. That was a good sign.

"I'll be out in a little while."

"Take your time," she called back.

Hawkeye listened to her and took his sweet time reveling in the hot water and the quietness. He loved her with all his heart, but he needed to breath for a moment without her standing right next to him or even on him. The week had been wonderful so far, but he knew that their relationship couldn't continue on like that. Nothing was that good.

Margaret hadn't heard a word from him since she left him in the bathroom. The kitchen needed to be picked up so she busied herself with that, not really focusing on it. Her mind was not on the task at hand, but on the man she loved. He was acting strange and she didn't like it at all.

The shower didn't exactly do what he wanted because when he got out his mind was still somewhere else. He grabbed a pair of boxers and slipped them on and then went out to the living room. The TV usually served him well in drowning out all his thoughts. However, the sound of running water coming from the kitchen reminded him that Margaret was there.

"Margaret," he called from the chair. "Margaret!" He yelled.

The water shut off. "Just a minute." Not more than thirty seconds later she appeared before him. "Yes?"

"Want to watch a movie with me? This one is just about to start." He nodded to the TV.

She looked at the television and then back to him. He was sitting all alone in the chair making it very clear that that was where he wanted to be. There wasn't any room for her. "With you?" She mumbled. "Let me finish up."

"Okay," he nodded. He saw the hurt look on her face. He thought that sitting in the chair was subtle, but it didn't seem that way to her. She didn't want to move away from him and it was a little hard to do that to her seeing how much something like sitting alone bothered her.

She couldn't help herself and started to bang pots and pans around as she was cleaning up. Hawkeye knew that wasn't a good sign and his aim wasn't to get her angry at him, so he moved. He moved for her, not for him. This last day would be about her and he would put his needs and wants on the back burner for one day. He would try his best to keep it that way.

"It's starting." He called.

"Coming." Margaret quickly dried her hands on a nearby towel. Seeing him sitting on the couch she smiled brightly. He caught the twinkle in her eyes and patted the couch cushion. "Have you seen this movie before?"

"No. Sit down."

Margaret gave him a kiss and then sat as close to him as she could possibly get. Her head laid on his chest and she wrapped her arms around him. Hawkeye tensed up for a moment; he didn't expect her to be so clingy, but he loosened up and draped his arm over her shoulders. "This is cozy," she said.

"Yeah."

"I think I love rainy days now."

"Just not storms."

"Right."

The movie wasn't what Hawkeye had expected. It started out a romantic movie, but turned into a sad drama. Margaret was tearing up at the end of it and then commented on how sad it was, but he didn't join her in the conversation. He simply nodded as she spoke. The movie didn't serve the purpose he had hoped. If she cried at that movie, what he was going to do to her was going to kill her. It was grueling to look her in the eye, so he didn't.

He stood to his feet and walked away as soon as there was a pause. Breathing was something that he needed to concentrate on and he felt like she was suffocating him. "Excuse me." He walked out onto the porch and stood in the rain holding onto the railing as he looked down at the sea below. As riled up as it was by the storm it still appeared to be calmer than he was.

The water hit his bare back and drenched him completely within a few minutes. Margaret stood watching him from the window wondering what was going on. He could be bizarre and standing out there in the rain was proving that. She wanted to go out there, but she didn't really want to get wet. After ten minutes she grabbed a robe and headed out there.

"Hawk," she called from the doorway. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be right in."

Margaret didn't believe him. "What's the matter? Are you feeling okay?"

"Margaret, go inside. You're going to get soaked."

"I don't care." She stepped outside and walked over to him. She placed her hands on his back and kissed his shoulder. "Something's bothering you. Are you going to tell me about it?"

"Just go in. I'll be right there."

"Please don't shut me out." She moved around him and pushed him so he had to look at her. "Talk."

He turned and looked at her. "I just needed a little breathing room."

"What happened?"

"Just a little upset stomach. I must have eaten too much at breakfast."

Her eyes narrowed. She didn't believe him at all, but she would take what she could get. She would find out more later on. "Come inside."

"Give me a minute." He dropped a kiss on her wet lips. "Go on in."

"Do you want me to stay here with you?"

"I'll be right there." Hawkeye brushed some of her wet hair back off of her face. "Okay?"

She nodded. "I love you."

He smiled a little and nodded. "Be right there." He watched her walk back into the house and that's when he let out a low groan. It was killing him to be there with her. He had to compose himself and work up the nerve to get back inside.

The entire house was spotless and all that was left to do was start to pack. Hawkeye was still out on the porch and he made it clear that he wanted to be alone so she went into the bedroom and started to toss their clothes in their suitcases. If she got that out of the way her mind would be on him and only him.

He walked in, making puddles every where he went. The water was just dripping off him. "Margaret, where are you?"

"The bedroom," she yelled back.

When he walked in there she was bent over in the closet. "What are you doing?"

"Packing. I finished with yours."

"What! Why did you do that?"

She stood up and looked at him. "What do you mean? You didn't want me to?"

"I can do it on my own. I don't need you to do every little thing for me. I know how to take care of myself."

She was shocked by his little outburst. He sounded so stern and had a dark look in his eye. "I…I'm sorry," she stammered. "I didn't…know it would bother you."

He sighed. "It's fine. I need something dry." He couldn't get mad at her. It wasn't fair.

She grabbed a white pair of boxers that she kept out. "Here you go."

"Thank you." He walked off to the bathroom.

When he came out she wasn't there. He knew he had taken the wrong tone with her. She didn't do anything wrong, she was just trying to help out. She was standing in living room looking out the large windows as the rain was beating down on the sea. Her arms were folded across her chest with one hand on her chin. Putting away his own feelings he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He placed a soft kiss on her cheek and rested his chin on her left shoulder.

"Margaret I…"

She stood perfectly still. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't. It was just a little misplaced anger, that's all. It has nothing to do with you."

Margaret turned and looked him in the eye. "I think it does."

Ok, so she was right, but he wasn't going to tell her that. He wasn't going to admit that she scared him and that was what was making him so angry. She had so much love and passion and it scared him to death. Everything that he loved about her he also hated. He didn't know how to handle her anymore. "Margaret, you didn't do anything wrong."

She couldn't think of anything that she did wrong and that was what was bothering her so much. She couldn't account for the change that she was seeing in him. "Are you sure you're not mad at me?"

He smiled gently and kissed her forehead. "Have you done anything that would make me upset?"

"I don't think so."

"See, you didn't do anything."

"Then why are you pushing me away?"

His eyes widened with surprise. He didn't want to have that conversation with her. "I don't mean to." That was a bold face lie. "Let's spend the rest of the day curled up in bed."

There was no way that she was going to pick a fight with him. She would have loved to yell at him and tell him how he was hurting her by the small changes that seemed to all of a sudden take place. However, she looked into those blue eyes and decided that that wasn't the best thing to do. "Sounds nice." Surprisingly he scooped her up and planted a kiss on her lips. "Wow, this could be nice."

He grinned. "It'll be an afternoon to remember, I can guarantee you that."

"Guarantee, huh?" He nodded. "Prove it."

"Oh, I plan to over and over and over and…"

"I get it. Prove it, big boy."

Hawkeye pushed open the door to the bedroom and walked over to the bed. "I don't know why you make this everyday. You'd be better off leaving it alone." He pulled down the covers with one hand and then laid her on the soft satin sheets. "There," he smiled.

All day long Hawkeye kept thinking about the next morning. He refused to talk about it, but that didn't keep his mind from thinking about it. Margaret didn't help any either. She kept trying to talk about the future and he wasn't sure how to tell her that. It would break her heart, but if he led her on it would hurt her more than if he just went his own way in the morning.

Hawkeye lay in bed, eyes closed and mind wandering. He felt some movement next to him but he kept his eyes shut. Margaret had awakened and was sitting up in bed. She just watched him memorizing the features and the lines. It seemed odd that even in his sleep he didn't seem completely relaxed. In fact he seemed very tense. His whole body was rather stiff.

There was so much that she wanted to say to him, but he wouldn't let her. Every time she tried to talk about anything with meaning he always stopped her. Sometimes he made a joke, sometimes he moved to sex, and sometimes he would flat out ask her not to talk about it. Something was very wrong but he wouldn't discuss it. All she wanted to do was love him and open her heart completely to him, but he wouldn't allow her to do so.

- - - - -

Hawkeye felt her give him the most gentle and loving kiss. It wasn't her aim to wake him so he kept pretending that he was asleep. She was quiet for a while, but he knew she was still looking at him. It was when she started to speak that his heart felt heavy. The words "I love you" never sounded so sincere.

- - - - -

She brushed his baby soft hair back with her hand staring at him. If he wouldn't listen to her, she would tell him while he was sleeping. She needed to get it out. "I wish you could understand how much I love you. You might be able to see how easy things would be. We'd be happy together. I have no doubt. You've allowed me to be free and to be myself. No other man has. My heart is yours forever and I wish you'd let me pour it out to you. When I think about how much I love you I cry. I don't know what's on your mind, but I love you enough for the both of us. I wish you would have let me in."

- - - - -

His heart shattered as she continued to whisper to him. She was making it increasingly difficult to leave. Now that he knew how much she loved him he knew just how much he was going to hurt her in the morning.

- - - - -

The morning came causing Hawkeye to realize he had fallen asleep at some point. He rolled out of bed recalling all of the sweet things she said. This was the day he was going to hurt her. She wasn't next to him in bed but that wasn't a surprise. They hadn't woken up together all week.

"Margaret," he called. "Margaret." She didn't answer back. He sighed deeply trying to get together the courage to face her, but it was the lack of courage that was making him leave. He was afraid of being with her and he was afraid of being alone.

"Margaret," he yelled again. He looked into the bathroom to see if she was there and she wasn't. He searched the house looking for her and like a ton of bricks it hit him he was gone. He stood in the middle of the kitchen staring blankly ahead. She left him before he could leave her.

Hawkeye had to sit down so he pulled out the nearest chair. Upon sitting at the table he saw a note written in her familiar scribble.

I'll always love you. 1784 Lincoln Drive Charleston, SC 29387 803-555-7394

Yours forever, Margaret

He took the note and crumbled it up. "You beat me to it, Margaret. I didn't think you knew." His head hung down in his hands as he let a few tears fall. He was alone again; just what he wanted, only he really didn't want it now.

It didn't take long and he composed himself long enough to pack. It was time to head back to Maine and make that his home. He couldn't be with her, so he would fall back on work. That was all he left and it was time he came to grips with that. He was going to leave her anyway, so he couldn't be mad. He had to move on.

He tried to convince himself that it was all for the best, but his heart knew otherwise.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

The ride back to Maine was filled with anguish and tears for Hawkeye. The farther away from Margaret he got, the more he started to realize that he had made the biggest mistake of his life. He should have gone after her, but instead of doing that he got in his car and headed north toward Maine for the three day drive. Thoughts of the woman he would love forever ran though his mind and wouldn't let him rest. That three day drive only took him a day and a half this time. Maybe if he could get as far away from her as possible then she would be easier to let go. It was worth the try.

Minutes after he pulled into his father's driveway he was in his bed. Sleep came easily this time, but it wasn't restful. She had invaded his mind once again. Now he had that week of memories with her that he wanted to forget, but that didn't seem like it was going to happen. He'd give it his best try though.

Every moment they shared was on that was tainted now with the sadness that it was forever lost. She never left his thoughts. His heart was always heavy. His eyes took on the look of someone who had just lost all they ever had.

Daniel knew where his son had been for the last week and tried to ask him about it. After only a few minutes he guessed what had happened. Hawkeye had always been afraid of commitment; afraid that someone was going to leave him standing alone. What he had really done was push people away and keep them far enough so that they couldn't hurt him. If it came to that he always tried to beat them to it. The friends that he made in Korea were the only people outside of family that Daniel had ever seen Hawkeye let get that close to him. One person in particular had occupied his heart and he couldn't let her go no matter how hard he tried.

"Ben," Daniel hollered up the stairs. "BEN!" Hawkeye sighed heavily and opened his eyes. He looked at the clock on the nightstand and tried to focus on it. "BEN!"

"WHAT!"

"Get out of that bed and get your ass down here."

He hated when his father spoke to him like he was a child. "Let me sleep."

"You've been sleeping for 24 hours already. Get down here!"

Hawkeye mumbled to himself but got out of bed like his father said. "I need my own house. I'm too damn old for this shit." Five minutes later he was standing in the kitchen where his father was pouring him a cup of coffee.

"Nice to see you up." Daniel handed his son the cup. "You look like hell."

"Thanks." His voice was deep and sharp. Hawkeye took a seat at the kitchen table.

"You need to get out of this house. It's time to move on."

"I don't want to talk about it." He sipped at his coffee.

"Get a job, Ben. What's done is done, its time to get on with your life. Make something of yourself."

"I'm a damn surgeon."

"Then start working. You don't honestly want to live with your old dad the rest of your life, do you?"

"Hell no." He loved his father dearly, but two grown men sharing a house wasn't what either of them wanted.

"You didn't have to answer so quickly." Dan passed a bowl of oatmeal to his son. "If you want to start working with me, you're more than welcome."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not the country doctor I thought I could be."

"You could have fooled me."

Hawkeye looked up at his father. "What's with the sarcasm today?"

Dan sat down across the table from his son. "You're thirty two years old. What are you going to do with the rest of your life?"

Why did he have to be like this? It was only a year ago that he returned home from war. He tried to be a country doctor and then he was gone for months and months on a search for her. It was all her fault. She was the one that made everything seem minimal. "Look, I'll worry about me. You worry about you."

"Fine."

The two of them sat in silence for the rest of breakfast. Words were not needed to tell Dan how is son was feeling. Hawkeye wasn't that well at hiding his problems from his father, but he thought otherwise. He thought that as long as they didn't talk about it then his father didn't know about it. That suited him just fine.

Margaret's drive home wasn't any better than Hawkeye's other than it was shorter. It was torture to leave that man, but it would have been worse had he been the one leaving her. She knew she wouldn't be able to feel those arms anymore or feel his lips on hers. Everything they had was gone. As much as she wanted to marry that man she knew he didn't want that. He didn't know what he wanted, but he had made it clear that he didn't want her. It was all a mistake and now she had to live with the memories of that one week with the one person she loved more than anything or anyone.

She didn't want to go home, but that was the only place she could go. She grabbed her luggage and trudged up the stairs to her apartment. The heat was almost unbearable and just added to things. In fact, it seemed fitting. No one was there, but then again, no one was ever there. She lived alone and alone she would be. He didn't want her. In her heart she was hoping that he would chase after her; she had left her number and address for him.

Sleep didn't happen the night before and all she had done since then was wear herself out crying. The bed looked lonely so she opted for the couch. Just two days ago she never thought she would have to sleep alone again, but that dream was crushed. Her heart was broken and she alone was left to mend it and try to cope with the fact that the love of her life wanted nothing to do with her. A week of incredible sex was enough for him and he was ready to move on. He wasn't any different then the rest of them. What was different was that she was madly in love with that man and had not been with the others.

The phone rang waking her up. She bolted for it thinking that it was Hawkeye. That was who it had been in her dream, but in reality it was different. "Hello?"

"Oh good you're home."

Margaret rolled her eyes. It was her friend Shirley. "Great observation."

"Well sorry. What's got you in such a bad mood? I thought you were supposed to have the most relaxing week of your life."

"So did I."

Shirley knew that tone. "Uh oh. What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it. What time is it?"

"Five. Come meet me for dinner."

"I don't want to go anywhere." She was planning on wallowing all night.

"I'm coming by then. We'll have dinner there."

Margaret really wasn't in the mood for company. "I don't have any food. I got rid of it all before I left."

"I'll bring something. I'll be there within the hour. Bye."

"Wait…" It was too late. She had already hung up the phone. There was nothing worse than someone who invited themselves over and Shirley was constantly doing that to her. "Damn it."

Margaret slammed the phone down and stood up. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and stopped to look. Her eyes were puffy and red and her cheeks were still tear stained. She was going to try her hardest to keep things from Shirley and she needed to get a shower and clean herself up if she was going to succeed.

Hawkeye was on her mind and her heart. Would she ever be able to get rid of him? How could she possibly think she could forget the love of her life? After deciding that that was virtually impossible, she took a shower and still tried to forget him.

It seemed like only a couple of minutes since she got that phone call, but it had been close to an hour. Shirley was banging on the door and calling her name. "Margaret, open up. This pizza is hot."

"Coming." She ran to the door quickly after pulling the towel off of her head. Shirley didn't care how she would look and at the moment Margaret wouldn't have cared who it was. She wasn't in the mood to make herself up. "Hi."

"You look like hell." Shirley pushed her way in letting Margaret shut the door.

She sighed. "You're such a good friend." She walked into the kitchen where her friend was headed.

"I hope you're hungry. I got a large."

"I'm not hungry at all. You didn't need to come by."

The woman started to get some plates out of the cabinet. "You need to eat dinner. Besides, I want to hear all about your trip."

"There's nothing to tell."

"What time did you get home?"

"Eight this morning."

"And you slept all day?" Margaret nodded. "After a week of relaxation you came home and slept the day away?"

"I was tired." She accepted the plate that was handed to her. "What's the harm in that?"

"You don't need that much sleep. Sit."

"You can't order me. You're only a captain."

"Not at the moment. Right now I'm just your friend." Shirley took a seat at the table and waited for Margaret to follow. Then she placed a slice of the cheese pizza on each of their plates. "Spill it. What happened up there? You were supposed to come back refreshed with a new positive outlook on life."

Margaret sighed. "I don't want to talk about it." She was right, it was supposed to be a week of finding herself, but that wasn't what it turned out to be. Even if it was a man she knew she still jumped into bed with the first man that crossed her path. That hadn't changed. Someone said they wanted her and she fell for him.

"You met someone," she shook her head. "I knew you couldn't be alone."

"It wasn't that I couldn't be alone. What happened to me was not normal."

"What was it? A summer romance like when you're a kid?"

Margaret was silent for a moment. To someone else that may have been what it seemed like, but she knew different. What she and Hawkeye had together was not a summer romance. It was the real thing and if he would have said the word, it would have been so real they would have been together forever. Now here she was sitting at her kitchen table staring at a piece of cheese pizza trying to figure out a way to avoid the entire conversation.

"Hey, you still with me?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"Out with it, Margaret."

Shirley was always pushy and one of the few people Margaret allowed to do that to her. Hawkeye had taught her long ago that it was always better if problems were talked about and now she couldn't get that out of her head. How ironic that he was the one burring things now. "Yes, I met someone."

"Was he any good?"

Margaret rolled her eyes. "It wasn't what you think it was."

"Then tell me so I know."

"Can I just eat in peace?"

"You're not even eating." She stared at her friend in that overbearing way that she had. The way that told Margaret that she had better start talking or they would be there all night because she wasn't going anywhere and she wasn't going to let up until Margaret came clean.

Margaret sighed heavily and sat back in her chair. "It started out heavenly."

"Heavenly, must have been very good in bed."

"No, well yes, but that's not what I meant."

Shirley gave her a knowing smile. "Sorry. Go on." She took another bite. Maybe if she had something in her mouth she wouldn't interrupt.

She sighed again. "He…he…I've known him for years."

"How? Did you know him as a kid from when you used to vacation there with your family?"

"No." She didn't really want to tell her friend who it was, but there wasn't going to be a way around that. "I've told you about him before."

"Oh? There have been so many, Margaret. I need more than that."

She narrowed her eyes. She made it sound like she was a whore. "You don't know him."

"That doesn't narrow it down by much."

"It's Hawkeye Pierce. The captain I told you about that I served with in Korea."

Her eyes widen and she almost choked on her pizza. "Excuse me? Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, the biggest pain in the ass you've ever met, the best surgeon you've ever seen, the most caring person…"

"Yes, yes. He's one in the same."

"But you love him!"

She nodded. "I know that."

"So what happened?"

"I don't know." She looked down at her hands folded on the table. "One moment we were the happiest couple alive and the next he wanted nothing to do with me. I probably scared him away."

"Happiest couple alive?"

"Yes. We didn't fight once. We were pretty much joined at the hip the entire time and then all of a sudden he changed."

"Joined at the hips?" She smiled. "That sounds awfully nice."

Margaret smiled remembering how often she and Hawkeye would make love. They didn't give it a second thought, they just went with what felt right. "It was nice, but it's over now."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I. Can we please not talk about this?"

"Fine. But we will later."

Margaret wasn't about to fight with her. She didn't have the strength to fight and she knew it was a losing battle anyway. "Fine."

He sighed heavily trudging up the three flights of stairs to his office. The stairwell was always so silent and eerie, but it beat the hell out of the crowded elevators. At least in the stairwell the only noises he heard were from the ones in his own head. More accurately would be his heart fighting his brain. Lately his brain seemed to be winning and that was causing him a lot more distress than his heart was ready to handle. Most of the time he felt like he was going to burst at the seams from all of the feelings he was holding inside.

No one could possibly know what he had put himself through. He told himself that he did it all for her. She would have ended up hurt in the end and he just made the end come sooner. Hawkeye Pierce couldn't settle down, but he was feeling more like Ben Pierce lately and he wanted to settle down.

As he walked down the corridor to his office he was greeted with nods and smiled from patients and staff members. He did the polite thing and then continued walking not stopping to talk to anyone.

"Dr. Pierce, glad you're early. You've got an added surgery this afternoon. Do you think you could do it?"

That was Polly his secretary. She had to have been at least sixty years old and if he didn't know any better he would say she had a crush on him like a school girl. "I don't know. You know my schedule better than I do. Can I?" He opened the door to his office.

"If you don't mind staying late."

"Do I ever?" That was all he did. Went to work and then went home to bed. It caused the least amount of stress on his relationship with his father and as and added perk of keeping busy, occasionally he was able to forget what a jerk he was and how he treated the love of his life.

"Good. Dr. Higgins will be glad to hear that. He wanted to play golf this afternoon."

Hawkeye rolled his eyes. He hadn't picked up his own clubs since he and Margaret went one afternoon. He placed his briefcase down on his desk and took off his suit coat. "What do I need to do now?"

Polly looked at the pad of paper she had in her hand. "Just your morning rounds. The first surgery is in two hours. It's Mr.…."

"Mr. Jenkins." That man had been giving him a hard time. He was going to be glad to get it over with and send that pain in the ass home. He grabbed his lab coat and started to get ready to go see some patients. "I'll be around. Page me if you have to." He patted the woman on the arm and walked passed her without another word.

Polly stood there and looked at him as he walked off. "No smiling today, huh?" She sighed to herself and walked back to her desk. "You've got to loosen up and enjoy life."

Hawkeye went about his day just as he did every other day. When there was a moment that was silent he tried to fill it so he didn't have to think about her. The worst part of the day was the drive to and from work. No matter how loud he turned the radio up he couldn't drowned her out. It would be a lot easier if he didn't love her so much. So as soon as he got home he would eat and then go right to sleep.

Sometime between his second and third surgery of the day he was sitting in his office reading the newspaper. His secretary had come in telling him he had a call. She was all beside herself because he never got personal calls. She just knew it was something bad.

"Doctor, is everything alright?"

Hawkeye waved his hand and told her to get out. "One second." He looked up his secretary. "What?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No. I'd like to take this call in private."

She nodded and headed for the door quickly. "Of course. I understand."

Hawkeye waited until she had left and the door was close tightly before he got back on the phone. "Hey Beej. I didn't expect to hear from you."

"It's been a couple of months since I've heard from you. Everything okay?"

"Just fine. Busy. You?"

"Oh everything is great. So you're busy, huh?"

"Yep." Hawkeye put his feet up on his desk and leaned back in his chair.

"You're working. That must be nice."

"It's about all I do. So what have you been up to? How are Peg and Erin?"

"Oh just wonderful. We're having a little get together and I was wondering if you would like to come."

"A get together?" That sounded strange. A get together three thousand miles away. "What do you mean?"

"Thanksgiving. Are you interested? We'd love to see you again."

"I don't know." He wasn't sure he wanted to answer anymore questions about his love life from Peg. While he was out there a few months ago she had tried to fix him up and had even managed to gather the history of his love life without him realizing it until it was too late.

"It's in a month."

"I don't know Beej."

"Did you find her?"

Hawkeye almost choked on his own tongue. "What?"

"Margaret."

"I don't want to talk about that. Did you call her?"

"Not yet. I was sort of hoping she was with you."

"She's not. I don't really want to see her. If she's not going, then I'll be there."

BJ was taken aback by those words. Hawkeye had pined for that women for almost a year and now he had given up. "But…"

"No. You call me back when you know about her."

There wasn't much else he could do but agree. Now he was going to have to choose between his friends. "I'll do that."

"I've got to go. Bye."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Where can I find her?"

"South Carolina. Charleston."

"You wouldn't happen to have that number, would you?" It was hard to get anything out of Hawkeye, but BJ had to try and find out something.

He sighed. He had memorized that number but hadn't once used it. "Hang on." Hawkeye shifted a few papers around to make it seem like he was looking for it. "Got it."

BJ took down the number from his friend and then they said their goodbyes. He looked at the clock; it was noon on the east coast and he knew Margaret would have to be working. That call would have to wait until later.

She could see her house as she turned the corner. The day had dragged on and home sounded so nice. It was the first home she had ever had. When she left the army a few months ago she decided to stay there in South Carolina and she bought a small house in a nice quiet neighborhood.

When she entered the house she was greeted happily by the young puppy that was in the laundry room. He wagged his tail and excitedly when his master opened the door. "Hi little guy." Margaret opened the door that lead into the kitchen and the puppy followed her jumping at her legs. He didn't think that was a good enough greeting and he wanted something better from her. "Just a minute. Do you want to go outside?"

She led the little dog out back to the fenced in yard so he could use the bathroom. She left him out there for a few minutes while she went in and changed her clothes. She hadn't been in there for five minutes when she heard him whining at the back door. He hated to be alone.

Margaret took care of the puppy and gave him dinner while she made her own. She had fixed herself a sandwich and then the two of them went back outside. It was a nice October night and the air was fresh and clean. Beau needed to get some energy out and he loved to play fetch or do just about anything as long as he was with Margaret. When she heard the phone ring she ran inside to pick it up.

"Margaret, I never thought I'd get a hold of you. This is Margaret, right?"

"Yes. Who is this?" She looked out the window to see what the puppy was doing. He had settled into a corner and found chewing on a stick satisfying for the moment.

"It's BJ."

"BJ?" She was shocked. Why would he call her? "Is something wrong?"

"No. But you're a hard woman to get a hold of. You must have moved."

"I did."

The number that Hawkeye had given him hadn't helped in the least. "Well how are you?"

"I'm fine. You?" It was odd for him to call. They had exchanged a few letters over the past year, but that had stopped months ago.

"I'm just great. I was calling to invite you to Thanksgiving. Peg and are decided to invite some of the most important people in our lives this year and you're at the top of the list."

Margaret smiled. "Thank you." She knew if she was there then Hawkeye would also be at the top of that list. BJ would pick him over her any day.

"Is that a yes?"

She sighed and cleared her throat. "That's very nice of you, but I don't think I could get the time off."

"Are you sure?"

"I am. Thank you though."

She didn't sound normal to him; neither did Hawkeye. Something happened between the two of them but he had a better chance of getting it out of Hawkeye than he did her. "I'm sorry to hear that. If you can make it there will always be an extra chair at the table for you."

"Thank you. Tell me what you've been up to. Tell me about Peg and Erin." That would get him off her back and prevent him from asking any personal questions.

When they got off the phone she went back outside to get the puppy. He had eaten his fill of wood and was ready to go back inside. She grabbed his leash and then the two of them went on a nice long walk. She was hoping it would clear her head some, but that didn't work. Hawkeye was always on her mind no matter how hard she tried to get him off.

They had spent one glorious week together back in June and now here it was October and she still couldn't get him off of her mind. Even on the two dates she went on she kept calling the men 'Hawk' or even 'Ben'. That was when she decided to get a puppy. At least if she was going to be alone, she wouldn't be the only one living in her house. Beau was good company and he loved her no matter what she did or said. With him she didn't have to worry about being abandoned.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Hawkeye sat on the front porch with Erin playing catch with her. She was easy enough to please and he thought it would be a big help to Peg to have her out from under foot while she was putting the finishing touches on their Thanksgiving dinner. This gave him some breathing room. All around him were couples in love. Even his father had brought a special someone. Erin had turned into his date and it was better than he could have asked for. She was fine talking about Mickey Mouse and puppies. She didn't ask him anything personal except if he had a dog or children. Simple answers were fine by her.

It was a nice day and there were only a few people there from their close knit group of friends from Korea. The Potters were there as were Charles and his bride. Dan was there with Helen and then there was Hawkeye. As nice as the dinner was he couldn't help regretting the fact that he came all that way to be shoved in a corner with a three year old. If he was at home work would have occupied his time, but here thoughts of Margaret were filling his head. All of these people around him were in love and as much as they all loved each other, he loved Margaret more. Enough to spare her the pain of marrying him and being stuck for life.

Around five that evening he fell asleep in a chair in the living room where the TV had been on and tuned to a Christmas movie. It had seemed too soon to go back to his hotel room, so he waited until they woke him up for dessert and then he excused himself and went back alone. There he fell back asleep and stayed that way until late into the next morning.

He loved these people more almost more than anything, but he wasn't a happy man. He was more lost now than before he and Margaret spent the week together. Now he was starting to think it would have been better if he just stayed at home.

Somehow she managed to get a few days off from work over the holidays. Her mother still lived out in California so that was where she went. Her mind was on BJ and his family. They weren't too far south from where she was. It was a tempting idea to go see them even if it was just for a day or two. She'd regret it if she didn't do it.

Her sister decided to tag along and they drove the three hours down to Mill Valley to see her old friends. She had heard that the Potters had been there and she hoped that they still were. There was one person she wanted to see more than anyone and her romantic broken heart wouldn't let her pass up that chance. She was starting to think she was a masochist.

"Are you sure we're going the right way?"

"That's what the directions say." Margaret looked at the paper in her hand. "Next left."

"So, you think he's still there?"

"Who?"

"The reason you're going."

"We're going to see some old friends. Turn left here!"

Abby turned the car and they headed down a gravel road with only a few houses on it. The ocean was in the back of every one of them. "This is where he lives?"

"I guess so." Margaret looked around. It was a new house on a beautiful piece of property. "Are you ready to meet these people?"

"Are you?"

"I think so." She was nervous about seeing these people again. She got out of the car and grabbed her purse. "Let's go."

"Right behind you."

Everyone was excited to see her and she was the same with them. It was a bit awkward at first, but soon they settled back into their comfortable friendship. It was nice to finally meet Daniel Pierce, but that only meant that Hawkeye was there. She wanted to see him, but she didn't at the same time. She was either going to kill him or break down and turn into a bumbling fool. Which, she wasn't sure of at the moment.

The evening was nice but Hawkeye never showed up. Daniel was asking a little too many questions for Margaret's liking. She was very uncomfortable with him, not at all like she had pictured he would be. All he wanted to talk about was Hawkeye. That was the one topic that was off limits, but she didn't know how to tell the older man that without being rude. He must have known some of what went on while his son was away. She had stood next to Hawkeye; she was actually wrapped in his arm while he talked to his father one afternoon. Margaret knew Daniel was fishing for information, but she wasn't about to give anything up.

Margaret and Abby decided to leave after dinner was over. They had to get back up to their mother's house before too late. She said goodbye to all her friends and then they took off. BJ must have told Hawkeye that she was there and that's why he didn't show up. She pretended that she was relieved when her sister asked her about it, but she was a terrible liar.

"Margaret, cheer up." Abby said as they drove.

"I'm fine." She was staring out the window watching the darkness pass by.

"You said you didn't want to see him."

"I know."

"If you still love him why don't you call him or even write him?"

"I don't love him," she mumbled.

"Right."

Fifteen minutes later they were getting out of the car at a gas station. The two of them ran into the bathroom while their gas was being pumped. Margaret hated when her little sister followed her every step and at the moment she needed some breathing room. She told Abby to get a few things and that she would meet her outside. Hopefully there was a long line.

While Margaret was walking to the car she stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Right next to their car was a man with his back to her leaning on his car as he waited for his tank to fill. His back was slouched and his head was turned to the left as he waited. It couldn't possibly be him. She knew she was going crazy now. Margaret dismissed the thought and continued walking to the car. Her eyes shifted to her feet as she walked.

"Margaret." She felt hands on her upper arms. She closed her eyes before looking up. She didn't want to look at the owner of that voice or that scent. "Hey."

Her eyes opened and she looked up. "Hi. Excuse me." She moved back out of his grasp and then walked around him. Maybe she could pretend it never happened if he didn't say another word. She tried to run to the car, but he grabbed her hand and stopped her. "I have to go," she pleaded. The weakness in her voice was alarming to even her.

"Wait." He hadn't imagined running into her like this. He was kicking himself for not going near BJ's knowing she had been there. He knew this was his last chance and the only chance he was ever going to have to win her back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." Margaret wanted to run away, but he was holding her there and her body was subject to what he would allow her to do. His presence was holding her there. "Let me go, please."

"I'm not holding you." He had dropped her hand as soon as she turned around. "Margaret," he called. "I love you." She wanted to keep walking, she really did, but she stopped. She kept some form of dignity by not looking back. "I understand if you hate me forever."

Hate was a strong word and one that she would never use with him. They had both made mistakes. She could have made more of an effort to get him to talk, but she didn't. She could have called him; Crabapple Cove was a small down. There were many scenarios that played through her mind and each of them had a solution that worked, but that would never really happen. "I don't hate you."

He stood in front of her. "I ruined my life by pushing you away."

"I don't want to hear it." She could push just as much as he could. She had more practice. "What do you want from me?"

He didn't expect to see her there. She was supposed to be long gone. He had to come up with something right now so she wouldn't leave him. "Can we talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about." His eyes were mesmerizing and she couldn't walk away. She had seen those eyes in her dreams many times.

It was easy to see that she still had feelings for him. "I think we have plenty to talk about."

"No, I can't." She couldn't get roped in again just to be hurt.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"I want to talk to you."

"You've had plenty of chances."

She was right. He had her number and her address and chose to do nothing with them. He didn't even know that she had moved. "Isn't this a chance?"

It could have been. Maybe it was fate. "Why didn't you come see me at BJ's?" Her hands were on her hips now.

"I…I…" He sighed. "Did you really want an audience?"

"No, but that wasn't what kept you away."

"Partly."

"Pierce, get out of my way." She moved to the right, but he moved in front of her. She moved to the left and he blocked her there too. "What do you want from me!"

"Talk to me." He said softly staring into her eyes.

Margaret sighed. Those damn eyes were hard to resist and now his hands were back on her arms. She looked down at them and then back to his eyes. "Like I said, there's nothing to talk about. You didn't want me when you had me and you will never want me."

He had a lot of time to think things over. He knew how she would see things and how she would feel about all of it. She would put the blame on herself not realizing just how much worse he could make her life if he were in it. Didn't she know she was better off without him? Even now, standing there like he was he thought about how she would have been better off if he wouldn't have said a word. It was all selfish reasons. At the sight of her he went weak and couldn't just walk away. It was for selfish reasons that he called her name.

"That's not true. I wanted you and I still want you."

It would tear her apart if she left him standing there. If she had it her way the two of them would be together, married. She knew things didn't always go her way, rarely if ever did they go her way. She had to give him a chance. Her future was nothing without him; she was nothing without him.

The sky was an incredible shade of blue. Every cloud seemed to stay out of the way of the sun. The trees were standing as tall and as proud as he felt. Today was going to be different; it was going to be better. It was a new beginning. She was back in his life along with the sunshine and he planned on doing everything in his power to keep it that way.

It was strange how it all happened, but as long as it happened was all that mattered. He barely slept last night, and yet he was wide wake feeling like he was in a dream. Feeling had returned to him once more and she was the one that brought it. He wouldn't let go of her this time.

"Morning sir. You're out early."

Hawkeye smiled at the doorman. "It's a great day. No sense in spending the day inside."

"No sir." He pulled the door open to let Hawkeye back n. "I assume I'll see you again on your way out."

"Maybe. A few hours inside wouldn't kill me," he grinned as he passed by.

"No, I guess not." He had seen the women he brought back. He'd still be in bed with her if it was him, not out alone.

The smile just wouldn't come off his face. He felt like he could climb the ten stories to his room, but decided against it. He'd save his energy for other activities. He whistled the entire way up greeting other passengers with smiles and nods.

"Excuse me, my floor."

He squeezed out and bounded down the hall to his door. He wasn't sure if she was still sleeping so he was quiet entering and ceased his whistling. He placed the bouquet of roses on the dinner table and went to the bedroom. She looked like she was still sleeping so he slipped his shoes off planning to slid in behind her and hold her as she slept. That was when he heard gentle sobbing. Concern over took him and he laid down making his presence known to her.

"Hey, what's the matter?" He wrapped his arms around her. Margaret turned to lay on her other side to face him. Her face was tear stained and her eyes were bright red. She hugged her body to his and sobbed against his chest.

"Whoa baby, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?" He rubbed her back feeling her body shake. "Margaret?"

She caught her breath and spoke. "You weren't here."

"I just went out for some things. There's no need to cry. Please don't cry." It hurt so much to see her cry.

After a few deep breaths she pulled away from his chest and looked into his face. "I was so scared. I thought you..."

He nodded. "I know."

"Please don't ever leave me."

"Margaret, I'm not going anywhere without you."

She wasn't sure she believed him, even though she wanted to. She nodded and buried her face in his chest again.

Hawkeye knew then that she didn't believe him, she didn't trust what he said about not leaving. But she didn't leave, she didn't say another word. She just cried silently praying they would last.


End file.
